


Naked And Pathetic

by ElenaCee



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angel Wings, Gen, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) Devil Reveal, The Easter Bunnies Fic Challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 21:29:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14173791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElenaCee/pseuds/ElenaCee
Summary: Trixie drags Lucifer into a church, with unforeseen consequences.My prompt was:Who: LuciferWhere: house of worshipWhat: feather/peepOptional word: marshmallow





	Naked And Pathetic

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be fluffy and humorous, but it turned out to be... not. Maybe the fact that I've written this in less than two hours and under the influence of half a bottle of wine has something to do with it. On the upside, I don't think that this kind of reveal has been done before, so, yay?

 

“No,” Lucifer said, “absolutely not.”

It was the last iteration of the same general idea in a long line of similar utterings, but by now, Trixie seemed to realize that he was serious, because her expression began to crumble.

Chloe didn’t understand what the fuss was about, and said so. “I realize that you’ve got this whole Devil persona thing to uphold, but really, what’s so bad about going to church on a religious holiday?”

He gestured. “You just answered your own question, Detective. It’s a holiday. The blasted thing will be crammed with people; people who don’t go there at any other time of the year - with the exception of Christmas, and don’t get me started on that -, but that’s beside the point. Point is, lots of humans. And whenever I visit a house of worship, bad things happen.”

Trixie was gearing up to deploy the wobbly lower lip; Chloe could tell. “It can’t be that bad,” she said, hoping to intercept her.

“It is precisely that bad,” he volleyed back. “And besides, I thought you weren’t religious. Why’s your offspring so insistent on going there? And on dragging me with her?” He seemed to realize what he was doing and turned to talk to Trixie directly. “What’s the big deal, hmm?”

“Last year’s Easter ceremony was so beautiful,” Trixie said. “I just wanted you to see it, that’s all. But if you don’t want to go….” She trailed off artfully with a martyred expression firming up, like the little pro that she was.

Lucifer sighed. “I only ever enter a church for a case, or for a favor,” he said, and it looked to Chloe like he was beginning to relent.

“Fine,” Trixie said. “What do you want in return?”

“We’d be going there to listen to a story, right? About Easter?”

Trixie nodded.

“Right, so in return, I want you to listen to the true story of Easter. Deal?”

Trixie’s eyes went wide. “Deal,” she said with all the enthusiasm of one who, for once, didn’t have to strong-arm the self-proclaimed Devil into reading her a bedtime story. “Does that mean there’s only one true story?” she followed up.

“Oh, definitely. One true story behind the egg-laying rabbit. That’s what Easter is about, right?”

“I thought it was about Christ being resurrected from the dead,” Chloe put in.

Lucifer gestured airly. “You shouldn’t believe everything that’s written in the Bible, Detective, whatever version of it you’ve read.”

“I never actually read the Bible.”

They were still going back and forth on that when they entered the church. Chloe noticed that Trixie grabbed Lucifer’s hand to steer him sharply to the right, where they found seats in the back.

“I didn’t want him to make the holy water boil,” she whispered back when Chloe asked her about it. “It does that when the Devil touches it. I saw it in a movie.”

Chloe frowned, wondering who had let her little monkey watch The Devil’s Advocate - either Dan or Lucifer. Probably Lucifer. He’d never quite grasped the concept of age-appropriate content. “You do know that Lucifer’s not really the Devil, right?”

Lucifer leaned over from across Trixie. “I  _ am  _ the Devil.”

There was some shushing from the surrounding seats, making Lucifer grin. “It’s true,” he said, gleefully and unrepentant.

Chloe reached over to slap his shoulder, but the impulse was redirected by something white on his dark-clad shoulder. “You’ve got….” she began.

But Trixie was faster. She had grabbed the tiny down feather from Lucifer’s suit before he even noticed what was happening. “Lucifer, is this yours?”

“Hmm?” He saw the feather and rolled his eyes. “Bloody hell.”

This elicited a new wave of shushing from the more religious church-goers near them.

“It’s a turn of phrase,” Lucifer said, sounding more exasperated than the situation warranted. For some reason, Chloe realized, the stray feather had truly rattled him.

This impression grew stronger when he looked at the vaulted ceiling of the church before fixing her with a harried look. “I shouldn’t have come here,” he said. “Sorry, child. I have to go back on our deal. I will make it up to you. But I… can’t stay. I am sorry.”

With that, he got up and hurried out of the house of worship, Chloe’s and Trixie’s eyes following him all the way.

 

* * *

 

He didn’t come to work the next day, or the day after.

Chloe tried not to be too worried; after all, he was responding to her texts, so he probably wasn’t actively dying. But by the third day, she decided to check up on him.

The penthouse looked empty when the elevator doors opened for her. Splashing sounds soon clued her in on its resident’s whereabouts. “Lucifer?” she called, not wanting to surprise him with whoever was with him in the hot tub and already feeling stupid for having worried about him in the first place.

“This isn’t a good time, Detective,” he called back. There was none of the giddiness she’d expect in his voice when he had company, though, and her worry flared right up again.

“Are you okay?” she asked, slowly walking towards the pool area, trying both to look and not to look. It was a foregone conclusion that, whatever he was doing in the water, he’d be naked.

“I will be,” he replied, “in a little while. Sorry to leave you in the lurch, but I’m afraid I wouldn’t be very helpful right now.”

“What’s wrong?” By now, she could see him, or rather, the back of his dark head. Like she’d guessed, he was in the hot tub, almost totally submerged.

She could hear him sigh. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” he said wearily. “So please, Detective, go back to your world where rabbits lay eggs but, Dad forbid, LAPD consultants can under no circumstances be Celestial beings with a molting indisposition, because that would be pushing it. I promise I’ll be back to my old tricks in just a tick. Alright?”

Her brain had started to filter him out as soon as he mentioned the word ‘celestial’, trying to grasp what he was really saying underneath all the Devil crap like she had so often before, but something seemed off this time.

Something in the water.

She took another step closer, and, contrary to her intentions, she looked.

“Lucifer,” she whispered. “What is --”

He turned, still submerged to his neck, but the impression of him having  _ four arms  _ stayed, and wouldn’t be dispelled despite her best efforts. “Bloody hell,” he said softly.

She continued to stare, but her eyes continued to see what her brain was convinced she couldn’t possibly be seeing.

He gave her a lopsided smile. “Well,” he said resignedly, “this certainly wasn’t the way I intended to show you.” His eyes turned ceilingwards with a glare. “Thanks ever so much, Dad.”

“You have --” she began, and faltered. She blinked. Yes, the second pair of arms was still there.

“I’d make them go away if I could,” he said, as if that explained everything, “but it seems like  _ someone  _ -” again the glare at the Heavens - “seems to be opposed to that, so here we are. And no, I’m not showing them to you. They’re naked, and pathetic, and they itch. So. I’m not leaving this pool until you’ve gone home to your spawn, Detective. And probably not until way after that.”

Chloe Jane Decker was a cop and the daughter of a cop. Adjusting to new situations, for her, was both hereditary and imbued by training. And besides, this wasn’t the first strange thing that had happened around Lucifer. “You sound like you need a drink”, she said, summoning all her native coolness. “Come to think of it, so do I. How about I bring two glasses and a bottle? And then you can maybe explain things to me.”

He chortled. “A drink sounds nice. That mean you’ll listen to me this time?”

She nodded. “I’ll listen.”

“And give me the benefit of the doubt for a change?”

She looked again at the strange configuration of limbs in the water. “Oh yeah.”

He smiled one of his genuine smiles. “Then, by all means, bring it.”


End file.
